She's going crazy. ... & a Behavioral Rewards System

Eden has started going crazy.

Seriously. We've had about 5 complete and utter meltdowns over things not happening the way she thought they would. Here are a few examples ...

Example #1 occurred when I told her she couldn't wear a pair of blue shoes because they were too big ....

I want the blue ones. I want the blue ones! I want the blue ones! [cry- cry-sniffle-cry] I want the blue ones. I wa--a-a-nt the blue ones! I want the blue ones. I want the blue ones! I want the blue ones! [cry- cry-sniffle-cry] I want the blue ones. I wa--a-a-nt the blue ones! I want the blue ones. I want the blue ones! I want the blue ones! [cry- cry-sniffle-cry] I want the blue ones. I wa--a-a-nt the blue ones! .......

Example #2 occurred when I cut her nutella sandwich into strips instead of leaving the sandwich whole ...
No-o-o-o! I want a big one. I want a big one! I want a big one. [cry- cry-sniffle-cry-wailing-flailing-tears streaming] I want a big one. I want a big one! I want a big one. [cry- cry-sniffle-cry-wailing-flailing-tears streaming] [[I left the room and came back to her yelling at the sandwich ... ]] STAY TOGETHER! STAY TOGETHER!!!!

Example #3 occurred when Graham said grace first and Eden decided that she had wanted to say it first. You can't undo a first said grace, so she lost it. We worked on how to respond to that particular situation. Now, she tells you to say it first just so she can dramatically say, "Oh well, I guess I'll do it next time" after you're done.
A good friend of ours said age 2 was emotional and 3 is psychotic. We're beginning to agree.

Needless to say, we've been rethinking our strategies about how to cope. Along with beginning to be more deliberate in labeling her emotions to help her express what she is feeling and asking if we can help her hug or shake the sadness/mean feeling out, etc., we're also instituting a behavioral rewards point system.

I know, I know, we previously were appalled at these systems that focus on what needs addressing at the current time and that reward good behavior with points/prizes, etc. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Here's how the point system is working out so far [we just started it today] ...

• if we are able to coach Eden through an entire nuclear meltdown while remaining calm and without yelling back at her [which would just cause her to completely spiral out of control], if we can keep our cool the whole time ... we get 75 whole points!
• coaching her playfully/joyfully or just getting through the bedtime routine without inciting a confrontation  = 15 points, since this is a more common behavior that we don't need to work on too much
• successfully helping Eden to transition through a change without becoming frustrated at her for being a 3-year-old and acting like it ... we're thinking about 10 points

I racked up 75 points just this afternoon! And, I'm thinking I can certainly come up with other areas where I need to concentrate on being patient, loving, and kind and where I need to act like the parent instead of like a 5-year-old. Graham and I decided that once we reach 100 points, we get to cash in our points for a reward. Not sure what my prize is going to be, but is that ever really the point of these systems? No. It's just knowing that I'm going to get something for behaving correctly that does the trick.

So, come on tantrums and 3-year-old crazies. I'm ready to earn some points. Calmly, of course.

-ashley