separation anxiety update

A few weeks ago we posted about Eden's new phase - separation anxiety. We wanted to post an update about the strategies we have tried and what is going on now.

The strategy that worked quite well for me initially was to walk with Eden while she held my hand. Once we got to her room at PDO and she started to wine a bit, I would lean down and tell her that she did not have to go in if she did not want to. I would go into the room, and she would stay outside for about 5 seconds. Then, she would come waddling in with a bit of a sad face. I would say bye, and she would hug me (reluctantly), and I would leave.

That lasted for about 3 days. Then she caught on, I suppose, because she would cling to my leg when I tried to leave.

So, I then tried a second strategy. I would get Eden out of the car then tell her to sit down on the sidewalk while "Daddy gets your bags ready." {Don't worry I was watching her the whole time and already had the bags ready.} We then waited for Eden's friend Josie to arrive. As soon as she saw David, her eyes got big, and she started saying "Josie." Then, Eden and Josie would walk into PDO together, holding hands. Once Eden said hello to Ms. Marie and Ms. Delores (her teachers from last year to whom she always has to say hello), she would wave bye-bye to Josie on her way into Waddling Ducks. I would say bye, Eden would say bye, and that was that.

Well, that lasted about a week or so. Then, one day Eden inexplicitly decided she did not want to hold Josie's hand - perhaps because the inevitable going to her room, who knows. So the next strategy was distraction. We would go into her room (at this point with me holding her because she won't walk into the room at all or up the stairs leading to the main building for that matter), and I would say "Hey, Eden. Want to play with some balls?" Her eyes got big, and she went right to Ms. Michelle. They would play with balls, and Eden waved bye-bye to Daddy.

Somewhere around this point, we talked about what we had been doing, and Ashley took a trip to the public library {on suggestion of Eden's Great Aunt Beverly}. We liked The Kissing Hand, and so did Eden. She had us kissing her hand long after we read the book. We're not sure if it worked yet, but we have that one in our arsenal and will continue to try.

The other nursery we use is the one at our church. On one particular Sunday during this phase, we pulled into the parking space, Eden saw the familiar playground, and she started to cry ... "No. No. No. No."
"Eden, do you not want to go to the nursery?" "No!"
"Okay, do you want to go to church and listen to the music with Mama." "Ses."
"Okay. You don't have to go to the nursery if you don't want to."

So, Ashley took Eden to church, and I went to Sunday School. Ashley reports that they made it through the entire service up until the sermon without Eden really making any noise. This after crying the minute we pulled into the parking lot. The next Sunday, when we pulled up Eden seemed a little nervous. "Eden, you don't have to go if you don't want to. It's okay. You can go to church." That seemed to calm her down. As we walked to the nursery, we kept playing it off like it was no big deal - like she did not have to go and that we did not care either way. When we got to the room, everyone was outside on the playground. We introduced her to the girl who was in charge and told Eden if she wanted to swing she would have to go to her. Eden hestitated for about 3 seconds, stretcher her arms out, and told us good-bye.

We've been out of town for a while, so it may not be as easy this time. As for PDO ... it had gotten a little better until Ashley and I went to Chicago. When we came back, Ashley took her on Tuesday (we did not even try Monday) and had a hard time of it. Wednesday wasn't any better. When Ms. Jennifer (she doesn't seem to like her anymore, but that's another story) tried to pick her up, Eden started violently kicking her feet and arching her back. I got a hug and a kiss and she calmed down enough to not kick, but she was not happy. Although she did not kick on Thursday, she did have tears in her eyes when I left.

Of course, now it is Thanksgiving. She is off all next week. We're not too optimistic about the week after Thanksgiving, but perhaps there are other strategies we have yet to think about that we'll attempt then.

For now, we're treating the goodbyes just like we would with any other real person ... telling her the fun she's about the have, making sure we introduce her to the person she's about to go to, giving her her Georgia right before we leave, telling her we'll be back after a bit, handing her over with hopefully some toys as distraction, then kissing and saying bye-bye. We'll just keep working on it for now.